Too good to be true!

I have been using au pair/family finding sites for the last 4 years and as mentioned in my earlier blog posting, we have been lucky to find really nice and genuine au pairs. It is very disappointing to see that not everyone using such sites is a genuine au pair and a genuine host family. There are a few unscrupulous individuals that will try to scam you. Be smart and be safe - validate everything because some schemes are elaborate involving false identities, false doctors, false travel agencies etc. Don’t be fooled by them; don’t let them to manipulate you by the lies in their e-mails and calls.

Tips that will help you to determine that your au pair/host family are genuine:

• Trust your intuition. Please use common sense and caution if you have any suspicion about a user and report it to us immediately.
• When calling an au pair/family (and we recommend that you make several calls) verify the name of the person that answers the phone to ensure it is the person that gave you the phone number. Don’t ask for them by their name and let them tell you their name.
• Verify the location of IP address for e-mails you receive to ensure that they originate from the area/country where your contact supposedly lives.
• It is recommended that you do not provide anyone any sensitive information about yourself such as your bank account number, your passport number or photocopy of your passport, and your social security number.
• Do not send cash, cheques, Western Union or MoneyGram payments to aupairs or host families!
• If someone offers you an advanced cheque/money for anything - don’t respond to them.
• If you receive a cheque - don’t cash it or deposit it.
• We review each new memeber profile daily to ensure we display only genuine users but should any of our sites members offer you pocket money/salary that seems way above the usual amount please e-mail us at info@myaupairbook.com so we can remove them from our site.
• Should any of our site users ask you to send money please ignore them and let us know their profile name and we will remove them from our site.
• If you had a bad experience with an au pair, family or agency, please e-mail us at info@myaupairbook.com

Example of classic scam e-mail:

Hello Au pair,

I saw your profile on the au pair site.
We are a British family living in London, UK. I work for Royal Dutch
(shell petroleum).A British Based Multinational Oil and Gas Company.
We currently have some kids aged 3 & 5 years old, we looking for a Au
Pair or Nanny from Any Country that can speak English and is willing
to stay with us for a minimum of 6 or 12 month(s).
About Our Family
We are a professional couple, living here in the UK .Our kids are
fairly easy going and relaxed,they would enjoy someone with lots of
energy and enthusiasm.. Having English as a first language is not
required and in fact, we would entertain the nanny speaking to them
in her own mother-tongue..
We only seek a Au pair for basic child care and light housework. If
you accept to take a position with us, you would be paid  the sum of
£1800(One thousand eight hundred pounds sterling) with a weekly
pocket money of £200. …

Anything that seems too good to be true is too good to be true!

I like Easter. This was not always the case. Growing up as a girl in Czechoslovakia meant that Easter Monday was often a dreaded day. Hordes of boys and man equipped with carefully crafted whips made from willow started calling to our house from early hours. This is what a guide to the Czech Republick says: “Young, live pussywillow twigs are thought to bring health and youth to anyone who is whipped with them. An Easter pomlázka (from pomladit or “make younger”) is a braided whip made from pussywillow twigs. It has been used for centuries by boys who go caroling on Easter Monday and symbolically whip girls on the legs.  In the past, pomlázka was also used by the farmer’s wife to whip the livestock and everyone in the household, including men and children. There would be no Czech Easter without the pomlázka.” Somehow I remember that the whipping was more than just symbolic; especially as the day progressed and the male half of population got little more heavy-handed under the influence of plum spirit (slivovice) generously served in every household visited. All the younger boys receive decorated Easter eggs (real eggs, not chocolate ones!). The most common and fastest way of decorating Easter eggs is to dip hardboiled eggs in hot water filled with boiled onion peels or food dye and then place a sticker with an Easter picture on the egg.

Today, my children are growing up in Ireland and they see Easter as a chocolate feast. After long length (during which they make half hearted effort to give up some treats) they are really looking forward to Easter Sunday which means getting, opening and eating loads of eggs (chocolate ones, not real ones!).

The one Easter Czech tradition that I am trying to keep alive for them though is dyeing and decorating eggs during the Easter week. All the au pairs that we had during spring season in the last few years are always evolved and help them with it. What they children really enjoy is going to a shop, buying a large tray of eggs and them making a small hole at each end of an egg and blowing hard to get the content of the egg out. This year we have ended up with 14 egg yolks/whites and as a result, they then baked a dozen of muffins and a big cake and there still were some left for scrambled eggs for breakfast! And of course the Easter lamb or bunny mould is essential baking equipment in my kitchen. Somehow a cake in a shape of a cute bunny tastes better than an ordinary shaped cake. Happy Easter!

Not a very suitable question for Valentine’s Day but hey a question that I get quite often from people curious about the au pair world and a question worth answering for people serious about the au pair programme!

We had a couple of au pairs where we can say it did not work out as well as we have hoped for. One stayed just a week after she had realised that being an au pair is not really a job where you would earn loads of money and she was not able to cover the mortgage for a flat she was hoping to let prior to her departure to Ireland. She was in her late twenties and was used to her independence - financial and other. She thought to start as an au pair first to improve her English and then to move onto something else. She clearly did not know about what au pairing is going to be like so she quit after a week.

For all au pairs to be - rule number one: if you want to be an au pair make sure you understand that being an au pair is a cultural exchange experience rather than a full wage paying job. In return for helping to look after children and do a little bit of light house work you will become part of a new family, have your room with full board and receive weekly pocket money. The pocket money is usually just enough for a few treats, trips around the country, maybe to pay for a language course. I have been an au pair a few times myself and never really managed to save any money but spent it all on having a good time, getting to know the country and paying for a language course. But that was exactly what I intended to do.

Another au pair we had left after a week because she was too homesick and missed her boyfriend and family too much. This is tricky because one never knows how they would feel when they leave their loved ones for the first time and go far away. Some people can cope with separation and new environment quite well while others don’t and unless one tries, it is never quite straight forward.

Both situations have left us in a difficult position as we had to make alternative arrangements in regards to child care very fast but there was nothing we could do and it was for the better. Nobody wants to see an upset, homesick or unhappy au pair in their house.

Then we had an au pair, which was not homesick or looking to earn loads of money but who was extremely quiet. She played with our younger one nicely, she could sit on the floor with him building houses from Lego for hours but she barely spoke to him. We have tried to ask her questions to build up some connection, rapport and understanding but after receiving just monosyllabical answers or mere nods, we have given up after a few weeks. This young girl stayed with us for five months and wanted to continue for another five but we have decided that our children need more verbal communication and warmer interaction. It was a hard decision because we did not want to hurt her feelings as she was a nice 19-year old girl but the whole atmosphere in the house was making us all feel a bit subdued.

If it happens that the chemistry between the family and the au pair is not there, then it may be best to end an unhappy or unsatisfactory arrangement. Let’s hope that if you ever have to consider parting with an au pair earlier than expected, that you will both part on good terms and both of you will be able to find a suitable match through our www.myaupairbook.com fast. Remember, there is a lid for every pot!

Santa Claus arrived in Blarney by a helicopter, Christmas songs are blaring out and therefore the time for making little gingerbread Christmas cookies and decorations is here.

Rebecca, our aupair, and our children Clara and George made a big batch of gingerbread dough yesterday and baked lots of little gingerbread Christmas themed shapes today. When I got home from work, the house smelled of ginger and cinnamon and fresh baking – what a lovely smell!

The recipe for the dough we use is great because it’s easy to make and the biscuits will not break your teeth unlike other gingerbread biscuits we have made in the past

If you want to try it out, then here is the recipe (for Christmas or Easter we usually make a double batch):

• 350g/12oz plain flour
• 2 tsp ground ginger
• 1tsp bicarbonate of soda
• 100g/4oz butter, cubed
• 150g/5oz soft light brown sugar (white is ok too)
• 4tsb golden syrup
• 1 medium egg, beaten
• 1-2tbsp milk
• 1 tbsp cocoa
• Tubes of coloured writing icing, or make your own white icing

Makes 10 big or 20 smaller biscuits

Prep: 20 mins (I like to leave the dough then in a plastic bag or cling film in a fridge for a few hours or even overnight)

1. Preheat the oven to 190C/Fan170C/Gas Mark 5. Sift the flour, ginger and bicarbonate of soda into a bowl. Add the butter, rub in using your fingertips until the mixture resembles fine breadcrumbs. Stir in sugar.
2. Beat syrup and egg together until blended. Pour over dry ingredients. Stir with a fork until mixture starts to stick together in lumps. If it is too dry, add 1-2 table spoons of milk. Gather together using your hands and form dough. Knead lightly until smooth. Roll out on a lightly floured surface to about 3 or 4mm.
3. Cut out shapes using gingerbread or other shapes cutters (if you want to hang them up on your Christmas tree, then you can make a small hole for a ribbon by using drinking straw). Place well apart on baking sheets. Bake for about 8 minutes or till it starts to brown at the edges. Cool for 1 minute and carefully transfer to a wire rack. Leave until completely cool and only then decorate with tubes of writing icing and sweets, using a little icing to secure.

Bon appetite!

Well, he is coming to Blarney by helicopter tomorrow to be transported in a fire engine to the Woollen Mills! It is an exciting annual event and our children are really looking forward to it. Several of our au pairs in the last 4 years have accompanied us to see him hovering over a field  by the Blarney Castle, descending slowly and waving to all the excited children (and many excited and emotional adults too!). This occasion really marks the start of true Christmas season in the village. I am wondering what will our current au pair Rebecca think about it all.

Rebecca is from Germany and from all the letters and parcels that have started arriving in the last few days, we can see that Christmas is a very important event in her life too. She got the most wonderful Advent Calendar hand-made by her grandmother. You can see it on the picture. Each sock has a little surprise for the 24 days before Christmas Day. The children are anxiously awaiting the 1^st of December so they can see what each of them contains. Of course they wish it was for them! This year, they will have to be satisfied with one of the chocolate calendars from a local supermarket.

Next year, we can be more organised and create a special Advent Calendar like Rebecca’s one. It will be a nice activity for all of us.

When I posted my first blog entry on the 15^th of April this year, little did I know that it will be another 6 months before myaupairbook.com launches. The reason why it took slightly longer is because it is a complex website, I was not in a  massive hurry to launch it till I had my vision completely clear and translated into web pages and some Irish bank institution worked a little slower than expected. But here we are, it is up and running!

I am thrilled with the great work by brilliant web designer Ruth Egan from Fireball Media Group! She has been a real pleasure to work with. Throughout the project we were on the same wave link when it comes to the visual and functional design of my brand new exciting site for au pairs and families! Somehow we did not need too many words in describing how the site needs to look and feel, there was a mutual feeling of understanding what will distinguish our site from other au pair/host families websites.

I believe we have achieved what we set out to achieve at the start - to have a several social media tools incorporated into a really clean and well functioning site. I hope that you agree and if you are going to use our services, I am looking forward to receiving feedback from you. There is always space for improvements!

Photo by Jana Rabenhauptova

When it was coming towards the end of our first au pair Jana’s stay, we have started to look for a new au pair. We have clearly left it a little too late as she was leaving in late May 2007 and we did not start to look till March/April. We have contacted two Cork based au pair agencies. One did not respond to our e-mail or voice-mail at all (and it is an agency approved by IAPA!), the second one had no suitable candidates at such short notice. Apparently there is always a shortage of au pairs and families need to apply many months in advance. 

Meanwhile, we have turned to the internet and found Christelle via www.aupair-world.net as mentioned in the previous blog entry. The premium membership for this site was 39 Euro for 3 months and we were very lucky finding a suitable candidate within a few days.

Then suddenly in June, we heard from the Cork agency that they have a suitable candidate that can start in July. The agency sent us a few Word documents with T&Cs, information about what is an au pair, when to call them and not to call them and most importantly their price list. An au pair that would stay for 6 months ‘costs’ 400 Euro. The agency has asked us to fill in ‘Welcome letter’ and ‘About our family letter’. They did not visit our house, nor did they ask for reference. 

The Au Pair application we have received contained these sections: personal information, education, employment history, childcare experience, family preferences, domestic duties, declaration about having clean criminal record, ‘Dear family letter’, photos, references from a teacher and a neighbour, medical info stamped by a doctor, copy of passport and signed ‘Au Pair Agreement’.

The applicant was Andrea from Munich, Bavaria, Germany. She sounded like a lovely person and we thought that if she works out and is as good as Jana or Christelle, then 400 Euro is still worth it even though it is a lot of money for an application form only! The agency does not do any vetting; we still had to do the same ‘research’ and ‘getting to know them’ before arrival as with Christelle, which we met via the WEB.

Andrea came at the end of August and she ‘overlapped’ with Christelle for a couple of days. This is always a good idea when you are happy with the ‘old au pair’. I would not recommend if the ‘old au pair’ has a few habits that you would rather the ‘new au pair’ not to pick up. You may be better off to start out fresh.

Our next au pair, Christelle, was what is sometimes called ‘a summer au pair’. We have met her through www.aupair-world.net. She was a French university student and had 3 months free in the summer (June - August). She has caught our attention because her profile was filled in well and she uploaded a nice photo of herself surrounded by young children at some camp. In her profile, she described her interest in spending time with children, improving her English and learning more about Ireland. She had experience in working with children as a young volunteer at a summer camp in Germany. She just sounded like a genuinely nice young girl and we have exchanged several e-mails and a couple of phone calls. I remember that for some reason George had a tantrum while I was trying to talk to Christelle over the phone for the first time. Luckily the crying in the background did not put her off her decision to come.

Her duty was to look after George and Clara during the summer holidays and she has done that quite well. The one small hiccup at the start was that only after 3 days, she has admitted that she did not manage to put on the cooker and therefore George was on a staple diet of cold mushy peas and cold sweet corn! Since then I make sure that each au pair is comfortable with handling our temperamental cooker.

Christelle had an amazing appetite though one would not judge from looking at her figure. She had several substantial meals throughout the day, preferable two warm meals and after dinner, she would have some cheese and bread, truly French! I watched with envy the amount and the type of food she was able to eat without putting on any weight! One Sunday, we were going for a lunch to my mother-in-law and Christelle was staying at home so I said to her to look after herself and make something nice. She was just back from a morning mass and when I asked her what she may cook for herself that day, she told me that she will make some ratatouille. I raised my concern to her that that may not be enough and she, with a big smile, put her hand into her little handbag and took out a huge sirloin steak that she has just purchased in a local supermarket on her way from the church. I knew then that I did not need to worry about her not getting enough food!

She had a great imagination and she often organised special games for the children. Two occasions stand out in my mind. The first one was when she organised ‘Olympic Games’ for them. They had disciplines like throwing wellington boots, jumping in sacks etc. Clara and George enjoyed that so much - especially because Christelle has made medals and prizes for them. Another time she has organised a ‘murder mystery’ game with Clara and her friend. They spent the whole day preparing the story, setting the scene, rehearsing various characters (each had to play at least two roles). When I got home that evening from work, what a surprise it was to find a ‘dead body’ in the bathroom and through a series of interviews which took good two hours, I did my best to find out who was the culprit. The girls were outstanding actresses and they were all such convincing ‘liars’ that I did not manage to solve the puzzle and did not guess who the murderer was. An au pair, who is currently with us, Rebecca, has followed in Christelle’s footsteps recently and she also organised similar ‘murder mystery’ and again, it was a wonderful success. A lot of work goes into the preparation but if you have children, who enjoy this type of games,  it is really worth the effort.

I had an opportunity to meet Christelle again while on a business trip in Paris the following summer. We met in a lovely cafe Angelina on rue de Rivoli near the Westin Paris. The hot chocolate was nice though a little cold for hot chocolate! Till today, more than two years later, the children mention her name from time to time and we try to think of all the fun things that they did together.

Jana & George. Photo by Jana.

As it happened, when Jana arrived, I was away on business and it was my husband and our daughter Clara that collected her from the airport. Jana’s knowledge of English was quite basic at the time and the meeting at the airport and consequent journey to our home was apparently somewhat subdued. My husband does not speak Czech, Clara has a few words and I guess Jana was overwhelmed and a little shy. Luckily my mother was still with us and once they arrived home, she was able to ‘take over’ and settle Jana in. It was great that they had a few ‘overlapping’ days and my mum was able to explain to her in Czech all about George, his daily routine, about Clara, the village, our house etc. When I arrived back from the business trip a couple of days later, my mum and Jana were getting on like a house on fire.

Jana was almost twenty two and even though she did not have too much experience with small children, she got on really well with George right from the start. She used to mind him 4 days a week while we were both at work, as well as minding Clara in the afternoon when she came back from school.  She was very patient with George who was just starting to walk on his own and that requires a lot of hand-holding, catching, bending (and she is very tall!). She was fair but firm and she also had fun with him. And that’s the advise we have given all our au pairs ever since - our ‘3 Fs rule’ - Fair, Firm & Fun. Jana was truly great with him; I remember that George was very fond of his soother and insisted on having it while we, the parents, were around. But for Jana, he would listen to her and hand over when she asked him for it and do without it (he used to even fall asleep without it!). So slowly but surely we managed to get rid of it and Jana had to encourage George as much as us (because it was sometimes easier to give in  for peace sake - I agree with you, not the best parenting example!). When he was 18 months old, we put it in an envelope with his new cousin’s name on it and we told him that he should post it to the new baby. He somehow understood that it meant the end and that was the end of the ‘doodee’.

Jana helped us with a bit of housework, just general tidy up as you go along during the day. She also helped me sometimes with preparing the dinner in the evening. She had the majority of evenings free, all weekends free and extra day during the week. Au pair duties should not take more than 35 hours a week and we always try not to exceed this.

The one disadvantage was Jana’s level of English as it was rather limited at the start. This made it hard for her to communicate effectively with the Irish-half of my family and therefore it took a little while to build up rapport and understanding. The fact that she and I spoke Czech of course did not help her in learning English! On the other hand there was no room for misunderstanding and misinterpretation when it came to explaining things about the children, the routine, the country etc. And I was happy that Clara and George were exposed to my mother language.

Jana has a lovely personality and she made an effort to meet new people, improve her English skills, and explore Ireland in her free time. She has stayed with us for one year, which was fantastic as it provided stability and consistency  in George’s second year of life and of course in our life too. We are still in touch and all the lovely photos attached on the posts of my blog so far were taken by her while she lived with us. If you read this blog, Jana, thank you for the great time you have given our family!

When our second child was born in April 2005, I was well used to the ‘Irish’ way of having children and raising children. It certainly did not mean 3-4 years of maternity leave! I knew right from the start of the pregnancy that in order to keep my job (which I really enjoyed) I have to return back to work six months after the birth. I have truly enjoyed the first six months of our son’s life with him at home.

We were extremely lucky then to have my mother to move over from the Czech Republic for 6 months to help us to raise George till he was one year old. We are really grateful to my mum for deciding to take an early retirement and coming over to help us and to spend time with her grandchildren. It gave us great comfort to know that the first year of our son’s childhood was spent within a very close family circle. The question was: “What to do next?”

As both of us work full time, it was hard to decide what kind of child care to choose next as the one thing we knew for sure was that we did not want George to go to a crèche for 9 hours a day 4-5 days a week. We wanted George to get a lot of one to one attention in a familiar setting till he was at least two years old and despite how well a crèche is run, the opportunities for one to one interaction are limited. The price of full time care in a crèche and also having to secure minder for our then seven year old daughter was also a big factor.

We have looked at various options. Finding one of the local childminders that look after children in their homes was one option. These childminders are usually women with their own young or teenage children or older ladies that have raised their family and now want some extra income or/and something to do and maybe to have company too! The problem with this was that we did not know anyone suitable and it was also not the cheapest option (which is fair because these people deserve to be paid appropriately for the responsible and sometimes stressful job). And it was also not going to help us with one more ‘problem’ we had and that was that occasionally I have to travel abroad on business and my husband works a few evenings a week. We needed someone reliable who was able to stay in our home some evenings. The most favourable choice was to get a ‘live-in’ help and hosting an au pair fitted this requirement quite well. As I have been an au pair myself, I knew what being an au pair involves and now I was about to discover what it is like to be at the other side.

A friend of my sister was interested in learning English and spending a year abroad and she liked children too and that’s how we got our first au pair Jana.