Not a very suitable question for Valentine’s Day but hey a question that I get quite often from people curious about the au pair world and a question worth answering for people serious about the au pair programme!

We had a couple of au pairs where we can say it did not work out as well as we have hoped for. One stayed just a week after she had realised that being an au pair is not really a job where you would earn loads of money and she was not able to cover the mortgage for a flat she was hoping to let prior to her departure to Ireland. She was in her late twenties and was used to her independence - financial and other. She thought to start as an au pair first to improve her English and then to move onto something else. She clearly did not know about what au pairing is going to be like so she quit after a week.

For all au pairs to be - rule number one: if you want to be an au pair make sure you understand that being an au pair is a cultural exchange experience rather than a full wage paying job. In return for helping to look after children and do a little bit of light house work you will become part of a new family, have your room with full board and receive weekly pocket money. The pocket money is usually just enough for a few treats, trips around the country, maybe to pay for a language course. I have been an au pair a few times myself and never really managed to save any money but spent it all on having a good time, getting to know the country and paying for a language course. But that was exactly what I intended to do.

Another au pair we had left after a week because she was too homesick and missed her boyfriend and family too much. This is tricky because one never knows how they would feel when they leave their loved ones for the first time and go far away. Some people can cope with separation and new environment quite well while others don’t and unless one tries, it is never quite straight forward.

Both situations have left us in a difficult position as we had to make alternative arrangements in regards to child care very fast but there was nothing we could do and it was for the better. Nobody wants to see an upset, homesick or unhappy au pair in their house.

Then we had an au pair, which was not homesick or looking to earn loads of money but who was extremely quiet. She played with our younger one nicely, she could sit on the floor with him building houses from Lego for hours but she barely spoke to him. We have tried to ask her questions to build up some connection, rapport and understanding but after receiving just monosyllabical answers or mere nods, we have given up after a few weeks. This young girl stayed with us for five months and wanted to continue for another five but we have decided that our children need more verbal communication and warmer interaction. It was a hard decision because we did not want to hurt her feelings as she was a nice 19-year old girl but the whole atmosphere in the house was making us all feel a bit subdued.

If it happens that the chemistry between the family and the au pair is not there, then it may be best to end an unhappy or unsatisfactory arrangement. Let’s hope that if you ever have to consider parting with an au pair earlier than expected, that you will both part on good terms and both of you will be able to find a suitable match through our www.myaupairbook.com fast. Remember, there is a lid for every pot!